Noin, Lucrezia

Zechs,

I realize that it's been close to a year since we last saw each other, and the circumstances at that time did not foster any sort of meaningful communication.

I feel I should apologize for not trying to reach you sooner, and as much as I would rather blame the end of my internship and other demands on my time, we've known each other long enough and you'd see right through those explanations for the excuses that they'd be.

The truth, as you know, is that I just wasn't ready.

I have tried to reach you a few times but you're either avoiding my calls or you're never home. Zechs, so much has happened since we left New York, and I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you.

Right now I'm worried about you.

Relena admitted, without coming out and telling me, that she's hardly spoken to you. Whatever is going on with you, she's concerned, too.

When you surprised us in the hotel room on New Year's Eve, I can't deny I was shocked to find you with another man. I think everything about that night came as a shock, and after all the heated words exchanged, all I could think was that I didn't know who you were anymore.

Zechs, if this message reaches you, I want you to know that I think I do now. I know who you are, despite the changes, despite everything. I know the man you are inside, and it's because I do that I've been trying to contact you.

Because it doesn't matter if I know who you are, Zechs. What really matters is - do you?

Relena,

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Lucrezia

Relena,

Your postcard from Gibraltar arrived this morning. The view looks spectacular and the dolphin sighting sounds like it was well worth the trip.

Once you get back, if you need a place to stay until the dorms open, you know my door is always open to you. I'm sure you'll need a day or two to recover from jet lag, but I'm looking forward to seeing you again.

I'm sure we'll both have much to talk about upon your return.

With fondness,

Lu

I thought I would welcome the break, from school, work, and the risk of running into Milliardo, but I've found that I feel unsettled and out of the loop.

Relena seems to be having a wonderful time and with the most unlikely of travel companions. I'll look forward to seeing her when she returns and my internship resumes, even if I am finding out that this may not be the career path I wish to follow. When I decided to become a journalist, I knew that there would be pressure to bias reports, but I believed that maintaining a firm stance would demonstrate how strongly I stood on the issue.

I hadn't counted on what would happen to my story after it crossed the desk of the editors.

Still, I do look forward to return to my apartment. While I've been restless, the time away has given me a chance to look at this objectively. If I back down now, it certainly won't change anything.

I'm no stranger to change.

I've called the apartment manager and he's confirmed that I can return whenever I please. My clothes and my computer are packed, my flight confirmed, and I'm ready to go back.

The first thing I'm going to do when I get there is put on some music, light some candles, and take a bath. A very long bath.

I miss Quatre. I've missed his cheerful optimism and his empathy, and as embarrassing as it is to admit this, even to myself, I've been, to be crude, horny.

Before I left, I gave him the spare key to the apartment. It may be selfish of me, but I hope he uses it.

I hope Quatre uses it nearly as much as I'd once foolishly hoped Zechs would change his mind.

I have little to move into the apartment this week, so there is no reason why I shouldn't make next weekend my first venture onto the campus. I suppose there is one, he's just not a very good one.

My money will be on the Seahawks. Today I feel inclined to believe in the unexpected.

Relena,

I tried to call your cell phone but I couldn't get through. Is there a local number where I can reach you in case that happens again?

I've checked into my room and will be staying here for the next few days. The apartment will be ready to move into on the 1st and although I won't have access to a car until Monday, I'm not that far from the college campus if you'd like to meet me for lunch this week.

I look forward to seeing you.

Lucrezia